A Dear Bob Letter

Posted: June 7, 2017 in Uncategorized

Dear Bob,

       As soon as the news broke my phone started blowing up. So much I thought it was going to break like my heart. I want to be happy for you – but first I must get past my own selfish heartbreak. I always was and always will be a tremendous fan. 18 years we’ve been together and for those 18 years I was a devoted, supportive, loving girl who stood up for you when others threw harsh criticism your way.

         I wore a visor proudly because you did. I was at every home game. I traveled a lot of miles when you weren’t in Norman just to stand by your side. And this is all I get? I had to read this as “breaking news” like every other sports fan in the free world? You could have a least called – or even sent a text. I’m sure you have given this an abundance amount of thought but you have to understand how abrupt this news was to me. It hit me harder than the cops in Fayetteville hit Baker Mayfield on Dickson Street.

          Though the reason is not clear and the speculation is running rampant as I type this, I can’t help but think, is there somebody else? I am hard pressed to believe that as I’m quite positive I would have heard SOMETHING about it by now. People talk, Bob. But if I were to believe everything I read or hear I would have no choice but to believe you want to spend some quality time with your wife and family. What kind of man leaves a loyal fan behind like that? This isn’t about you, this is all about ME.

           But don’t worry about me. At least I don’t have to go through the search and turmoil to find a replacement for you. There’s a younger guy waiting to step in and take your place. And honestly, it won’t take a lot for me to “learn” to love him – he has been impressing me for the past 2 years. It should be a significantly short amount of time before I am over you.

            Ok, ok that is bullshit. I will NEVER get over you. I will ALWAYS love you and I will forever be grateful for the time you have given me. Sure, we had our ups and downs, but you came into my life and turned a negative situation into a very positive one. You have done great things. Record breaking things in fact and for that I will hold you in the highest regards and have nothing but fond memories of our time together. I will think of you when the new guy is holding the championship trophy in his younger, rugged, capable hands.

             I can’t end this without asking the question that fills my heart and mind. Why? Why did you have to do this on Prince’s birthday? Why must you choose such a sacred day to add daggers to my shattered heart? I will await your answer along with a proper farewell. Until then, please understand that as dejected as I am feeling right now, I do wish you all the best. I do hope you find what you are looking for, and most of all I thank you for the memories. And because it is Prince’s (RIP) birthday I will leave you with this:

I only want to see your visor in the crimson rain………….

You will always be Big Game Bob to me.

Love always and Boomer Sooner,

Leesa

 

Follow me on Twitter: @soonerleesa

 

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I’m just a girl who loves sports.

I’m a card carrying, certified, bonafide sports fan. It is in my dna. This is a fact, I am not embellishing.

For instance, I was practically born on a baseball field. Seriously, my mom was at the ball park watching my dad play and she went into labor. A friend went to the dug out to tell my dad that I was ready to slide into home plate and his response was, “Let me bat one more time.” True story. When I was old enough to understand this story I was not surprised at all. In fact I was somewhat disappointed that I wasn’t born on that field. That would have been a really cool story to tell. My name could have been Homer so easily.

 I worked for a minor league hockey team a few years ago. The first time I worked game night I went down by the ice to watch warm ups. The view was amazing but it wasn’t the best choice I have ever made. I got nailed in the ribs with a puck that came from a fairly close range. It really did hurt but I made sure I retrieved said puck and kept it as a souvenir – along with some colorful bruising that seemed to last a good three weeks. It was a proud moment. A proud and painful moment.

I have stories – a lot of stories – that come from the many different sporting events I have been to. But none that compare to my dad and his best friend making their way – I’m sure illegally – to the enemies end zone of the Cotton Bowl and “relieving” themselves on the burnt orange X after Oklahoma lost to that other team in the Red River Rivalry back in the 80’s. I tell about the incident proudly as it’s one of my favorite stories. Who else can say their daddy literally pissed on Texas? I am somewhat glad it was in the 80’s so there is no video evidence or Facebook pics. I guess it would depend upon the angle…….

So here we are in June. The Pittsburgh Penguins are up 2 games to 1 against Nashville in the Stanley Cup playoffs. (That’s hockey for all my “football only” fanatics.) For the first time in like 25 years (don’t quote that number) the Detroit Red Wings didn’t make the playoffs which bummed me out. I’m not gonna lie, I haven’t been paying too much attention to this series, but you better believe I will be watching when it comes time to watch the men with white gloves roll the cup out. There’s nothing like seeing a bunch of tough hockey guys kissing a big ass silver cup and then skating around with it like it’s the hardest trophy in sports to win or something. (Please note the sarcasm in my type)

It’s starting to get hot outside which means the boys of summer are well into their season. My St. Louis Cardinals are playing mediocre so far. I know it’s only June, but they just got swept by the Cubs which really irritates the hell out of me. Now I realize there’s a whole lotta baseball to be played, but it’s going to be a long, unbearable summer if they don’t get their shit together. I will try to be patient, but I need the Cards to NOT get swept again.  Now as much as I love baseball, I will confess that this is definitely the time of year in which I start missing football like Shaquille O’Neal would miss free throws. Speaking of basketball…….

(How do you like THAT Segway???)

The NBA is coming to the season’s end as The Golden State Warriors are up 2 games in the Finals. Unlike last year I personally think they’re another 2 games away from the championship. I don’t see them blowing a lead this season – in fact I predict they will sweep the Cavs and make a perfect 16-0 playoff run and shower the trophy with sweet revenge kisses. It’s not impossible that Cleveland sneaks a victory in, but the way the Warriors are playing it seems as if they are unstoppable. (Prepare yourselves for the Golden State bandwagon to tip over) Now, I’m going to be honest, I don’t really care who wins. The only reason I want Golden State to win is because I don’t want to see Cleveland win again. And the only reason I would want the Cavs to win is because I am a bitter Oklahoma girl who is still holding a grudge against Kevin Durant for bolting from the Thunder to dance with Steph Curry and exchange rings with him. (I know there’s more of you out there who feel my dilemma.) Looks like he is going to get exactly what he went there for. With that being said I will leave the NBA portion of this article with 3 words – well 2 words and an acronym: RUSS WESTBROOK MVP!!!!

As much as Kevin Durant broke my heart – he is a Texas guy, I should have known better – I do have football to look forward to. As I was staring at my calendar today I got really excited. There are only 12 Saturdays until the Sooners kick off!!! Pre-season NFL will be starting before we know it and I will once again be telling everyone I will not be joining near as many Fantasy Football leagues as usually do. That is a lie. A big, fat lie. I will keep on and I will continue to complain about it. I am the reigning champion of a couple of those leagues so I have a title or 2 to defend. By the time football rolls around, maybe I will feel comfortable enough to share the story about when I was asked to leave Arrowhead Stadium for “stalking” Jim Harbaugh. Good story, but still not as entertaining as my dad peeing on that damn burnt orange X. Until then, we can all just dream about kick-off!!!

Oh, special shout out to the Lady Sooners for reaching the World Series Finals for the second year in a row. They’re facing number 1 seeded Florida as I type (0-0 top of the 4th)and hopefully my 10th seeded Sooners will defend their title and bring another championship home to the University of Oklahoma!!! Boomer Sooner!

Hope you’re enjoying your summer –

From a girl who loves sports.

Follow me on Twitter: @soonerleesa

Check out my friend Gabe Morency: Sportsrage on Patreon, UStream and The Fantasy Sports Network.

April Madness – in March.

Posted: March 16, 2017 in Uncategorized

i know what you’re thinking. The NCAA tournament is officially underway and Leesa has something to say about it. I do – I am picking Gonzaga to win it all. And that’s all I have to say about that. Not that I’m not excited for all the excitement that the tourney provides – I absolutely am – but what can I possibly write about it that you haven’t already read and/or heard about? I love March Madness as much as the next guy (or girl) but I must be honest. There is another event that has captured my attention. I am a victim of April Madness.

What is April Madness you ask? It is the name I have given to the obsession of watching a live cam perched in the corner of a giraffe pen at Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, New York.The star of the show is named April and she is pregnant and there are hundreds of thousands of people around the world watching in hopes of seeeing her calf born.I have become slightly obsessed with April. It doesn’t help that tomorrow will be my third day off from work due to strep throat and a sinus infestion. It’s been me, April, medicine, and a lot of kleenex. So if you haven’t figured it out by now, this article really isn’t about sports. Unless you’re into giraffe gestation games.

Quick background: April is 15 years old and is about to give birth to her 4h calf. The father of the calf is Oliver – who is 5 years old. So, apparently not only is April a giraffe, she is also a cougar. This will be Oliver’s first calf, but I can’t tell if he really cares or not. They keep them in seperate pens because apparently Oliver is the Christian Grey of the jungle world and he likes to play a little rough. I did happen to catch them in April’s pen together at one point when the keepers were cleaning his out. Ollie strutted on over, nuzzled his neck against hers and she practically bitch slapped him, walked away then turned and glared at him as if she were saying, “You did this to me, you horny bastard.” I’m pretty sure she wasn’t referring to the horns on top of his head.

Anyway, the gestation period for a giraffe is 15 months and from what I’ve read there’s really not a lot of signs when the blessed event is going to take place. They normally give birth standing up and you don’t even realize it until  you see hooves appear. Yes, it will look like there are hooves protruding out of April’s ass.Then the rest of the bouncing 6 foot tall, 150 pound baby will follow. Apparently they show no signs of labor so -when in their natural habitat-predators will not attack and kill the baby. I have also learned that after the calf is weaned they will transfer the offspring to another zoo. This is done to keep incest from happening. This whole time I thought giraffes came from Africa, but apparently they like to get jiggy with immediate family members. Who knew giraffes were actually from Alabama?

I have been April watching for a couple of weeks. Just recently I discovered there is a live chat room on the YouTube site I watch her on. This is a chat room full of self-proclaimed giraffe experts. After watching this chat room I felt a lot better about myself. Let me give you an example of some of the things that have been said in this room. “I can see she is contracting.” WHAT? Really? Did you travel up her uterus with a go-cam? No. That is the baby kicking, dumb ass. 

“Her knees look swollen. Poor thing.” Her knees look like giraffe knees. Who knows, they might be swollen, but you can’t tell that from your momma and daddy’s basement. Oh, and then the amount of people that talk to her like she can actually hear them. “Come on, April – we’re all here cheering for you.” or “Hi April. You’re such a beautiful girl and we love you.” Even if she could hear you she probably doesn’t speak dumb assisty. I’m not gonna lie – I did at one point imagine she was having a conversation with Oliver about how stupid humans are. And they had British accents. You know, like David Beckham and Posh Spice having a conversation at dinner.

The best question so far in the room of idiots was “Does the baby climb up her neck and then April has to spit it out?” Yes. Yes, you fucking moron. Except there is a baby escalator that the baby gets on and rides up to her mouth and THEN she regurgitates her baby. This is when I learned there are “modertors” in the chat room that have the power of kicking people out. I have not been allowed access since.

So now it is just me and April with Oliver lurking in the background. At this point it feels like she is on her second year of pregancy.There are jokes that she is only faking it. She is an older woman and maybe she thought Oliver had his eye on a younger woman so she is trying to trap him. All I know is if I don’t see some hooves from ass soon I’m going to be real disappointed. It has become a distraction and I realized I have a real problem when I started hearing Salt n Pepa singing “Push It” in my head everytime I look at April.

Have that damn baby giraffe, April. I’ve got some basketball to watch. Go Zags.

Follow me on Twitter: @soonerleesa

So here we are. Another football season has come and gone. Yes, I realize the Pro Bowl and Super Bowl have yet to be played but MY football season has ended. It didn’t end on a great note but it also was a pretty good year for my teams. My Oklahoma Sooners went on a 10 game winning streak to not only win the Big XII but also grabbed a Sugar Bowl championship against Auburn. (SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC u later.) My Steelers fought their way into the playoffs as a wild card and made it to the AFC Championship game. We all know what happened – or what didn’t happen there. They lost. They lost big.

Not only did I have to endure the painful taunting from the few Patriot fans I know I also had to watch Edwin McCain – one of my all time favorite singers/musicians sing the National Anthem IN A DAMN PATRIOT’S JERSEY. I should have seen the result coming at that moment. Edwin, you broke my heart and I am still suffering from PTSD from the vision more than 24 hours later. I’m not sure if there’s therapy for my ailment but I am willing to research it. Surely there’s a support group for this kind of thing.

Speaking of support groups; Hi, I’m Leesa and I am a Hatriot. Yes, you read that correctly. I have incessant hate for the Patriots. According to my social media pages, I am not alone. I think we should start our own support group and our first meeting should be Super Bowl Sunday. I have seen several posts in which people are saying they’re not even going to watch the game. I’d be lying if I said that thought never crossed my mind. It did. For a split second, but I know me better than that. Plus, I think the Falcons have a legitimate shot of beating the DeFlatriots. Atlanta looks damn good. If this happens I definitely want to watch New England go down. Needless to say, I am watching the game and I am cheering for the Falcons. 

It could be worse. Dallas could be playing the Pats in the big game. For me that would be like watching Satan split in half on a football field. So I guess there is a positive to this whole thing. That may be the one Super Bowl I couldn’t bring myself to watch. I don’t care how many kegs are at a party. There’s not enough booze in any bar that could make me enjoy watching those 2 teams playing for the Lombardi Trophy. Thank the football gods that this is not happening.

Someone at work today said they heard somewhere that if the Patriots win that Tom Brady and Bill Belichick might retire. I haven’t heard this personally but the thought of puts a smile on my face. My life would improve if I never had to see Bill in a hoodie again. Unfortunately though I’m almost sure Brady would go into broadcasting so I would still have to see his  pompous face every Sunday. After all, he did play for Belichick so he’s had plenty of experience in front of a camera.

Yes, another football season has come to an end. Now I can watch more hockey and basketball. March Madness is just around the corner! And don’t forget, my beloved St. Louis Cardinals open the season in 68 days. But who’s counting? Until then, rise up, Falcons and beat the hell out of thse other guys! I’m doing the dirty bird in your honor.

Follow me om Twitter: @soonerleesa

Check out the guys at SportNewsMagazine.com.

Bedlam Moment

Posted: December 5, 2016 in Uncategorized

I was born a sports fan. In fact, I was literally darn near born on a baseball field.  My dad was playing in a game and my mom was in the stands and went into labor. A friend went to the dugout to inform him. The friend returned back to the stands with this message to my mom: “Just let me bat one more time.” He did. He homered, touched all the bases and then ran straight from home plate to the car. The rest is history.

When I was younger my dad was so wrapped up in the baseball world, as our entire family was that I felt I didn’t get to spend enough time with him. So when I was around 7 or 8 I decided I was going to sit down with him and watch football so I could get that quality “father and daughter” time. I felt left out when he went to Sooners games and I wanted to know what all the fuss was about. So, tv time it was. I became addicted from the first game. From that day on I also was included in Sooner road trips.

I learned so much about the game from my dad. From scoring, penalties, positions, and plays. I even became a master at trash talking thanks to my dad. It was a skill I was proud of and used my entire life. He was the best at it and stood behind every word he said. When OU would play Texas, it was a no holds barred situation when it came to words. I learned how to hate the color orange at this early age. All shades. (It still hurts a little that the OKC Thunder have orange in their team colors) When I married my late husband my dad told me the car was running and “it’s not too late” all the way down the aisle. He couldn’t believe I was bringing someone that went to Ok. State into the family.

It was a house divided indeed. We had our share of verbal wars, especially during Bedlam. Oh, and when the Raiders and Steelers played – my husband was a Raiders fan and I a die-hard Steelers fan – there was also a battle.  But as much “dissing” that was being done there was never anything malicious or hurtful said. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?

Bedlam has grown into a much more heated rivalry in recent years. I have seen and heard some atrocious things said by fans. On both sides. Trust me, if it makes me take pause then it must be pretty bad. As I have grown older, yes – I will blame maturity – I have discovered that trash talking isn’t really as fun as it used to be. Maybe because being born and raised in Oklahoma, I have way too many friends and yes,  even family members that are fans and/or alumni of OSU. I noticed it has become somewhat like politics and just turned nasty at times. I’ve learned how to have a conversation with opposition like an adult and though we may throw a few ‘jabs” in, it all ends in laughter. After all, it’s just a game, right?

Saturday, I took a friend to the game with me. She is a lifelong Oklahoma State supporter. It’s hard to explain the joy I got from watching her being that close to her team and having the opportunity to high-five her boys as they ran from the tunnel. I suppose the joy came from understanding the passion. She was thrilled and I loved that I could give that to her. We may have been rivals that day, but we are also friends. And we will be throughout the bowl games and all the way up until next time we meet on the field. We had a little fun on the way and even on the way back, but it was just that – fun. My dad may be grumbling a little bit, but I know he knows no matter what my blood will always be Sooner red and maybe it is ok that I “stray” and have friends that sport other team colors.

One thing is for certain. I know he was smiling down on Norman Saturday. (Wish the sun would have been as well.) At the last home game I got to meet one of my all-time favorite Sooners, the great Ryan Broyles. He was on the field giving an interview and I said his name, asked him to come over and he was the nicest guy you’ll ever meet. Knowing bedlam would be the last game of the season I decided to take a jersey and maybe I could get lucky enough to get him to sign it. During half time he was doing another interview in the same place right in front of our seats and when we asked him to come over and sign the jersey he obliged with a smile. Even in the cold rain. I took out the jersey and he noticed it was actually his name and number. I looked at him and explained this was the last thing my dad had given me before he passed. Dad knew how much I loved watching him play. He looked at me and I could tell it genuinely meant something to him. He said that was so sweet and took the time to make sure he personalized it and signed it where I wanted him to and took a picture with me. I still don’t think he understands how much this meant to me.

I don’t need to tell you the rest of the story. The Sooners came out after the half to a 17-17 tied score. They dominated the second half and won the Big XII Championship, at home on Owen Field. This was the first time we won it on our home field. We got to see Samaje Perine take a knee instead of walking into the end zone for a last “in your face” slap to the Cowboys. Some of the players did a “victory lap” around the field, including Baker Mayfield. We were actually the last fans he high-fived! Tight end Mark Andrews came over and thanked us for staying despite the weather. It’s things like this that make it worth every penny that I spend as a fan.

We stayed in our seats and celebrated with the team and other fans. We were cold and there wasn’t a place on our bodies that wasn’t soaked. And we didn’t care. I didn’t even post one trash talking thing on social media. I knew I didn’t need to, the play on the field said it all. I guess I really have matured (Sorry, Dad.) and my days of rubbing it in are diminishing.

What I couldn’t wait to post however, was a picture of me and the Ryan Broyles jersey. I think I was so excited about it while it was happening I didn’t get emotional. But when I actually typed the words I realized what I was truly holding. The very last gift from my dad was signed and I then let the tears fall down my already rain soaked face. It was truly a moment.

Sports has so many great stories of sacrifice, victory and defeat. This moment is by far my favorite.

Follow me on Twitter and Instagram: @soonerleesa

We Call It Bedlam

Posted: November 29, 2016 in Uncategorized

We call it Bedlam. I am referring to the regular season ending game between the Oklahoma Sooners and Oklahoma State Cowboys. When talking about this game, bedlam is the perfect word. Trust me, I Google searched it. It was defined as: a place, scene, or state of uproar and confusion. Bedlam is the precise adjective – especially for the game in Norman this Saturday, December 3rd.

I expect Oklahoma Memorial Stadium to be packed and causing a celebratory commotion before, during, and hopefully after the game. It really is a big deal. For the first time, the Big XII Championship will be decided in Norman. We’re not supposed to officially call it the Big XII Championship game. But it is the game that decides tbe Big XII champions. Confusing? Blame the league. Anyway, the Cowboys will be fighting against the Sooners –  inner-state rivals for all the Big XII marbles. I am still hearing rumblings regarding the miracle of a playoff berth with a win. I’m all for an early Christmas gift, but let’s speak realistically shall we? Not even the healthiest dose of Sooner Magic could make that happen. Spare me the “anything can happen” mentality, please. Face it, kids the Sooners are NOT going to be playing in Georgia, Arizona, or Florida this season. They do however have a chance to go to New Orleans to play in the Sugar Bowl.

Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves though. The road to the Sugar Bowl starts in Norman Saturday. And it won’t be as easy as I’ve heard many over confident fans say. The last regular season game for the Sooners and Cowboys is, as mentioned before is being played to crown the Big XII champions and send the champs to NOLA for a Sugar Bowl title.

Should the Sooners prevail, this would be their 8th trip to the Sugar Bowl. As Sooner fans I think it’s safe to say the last time they were there we “shocked the world” by beating Alabama 45-31. If the Cowboys win, I will not only be personally destroyed but the Pokes will then make back to back appearances. Last season they were there and faced Ole Miss in which they lost 48-20. The first time they were there was in 1946 and played – and beat – Saint Mary’s Gaels. We all know what happened next. Oklahoma State was name National Champions for that 1945 season. It took 71 years for it to happen, but hey, a championship is a championship, right? I think they’re still drinking champagne from Pistol Pete’s boots to celebrate the occasion. Bless their hearts.

Needless to say, it’s going to be a big day in Norman, Saturday. Though I despise the 11:30 a.m. kickoff I am immensely eager for the game. As usual, I will be there on the front row sporting crimson and cream and root, root, rooting for the home team. The weather report tells me I may need to wear a rain poncho, but come rain or shine I will be there as the proud, loyal Sooner fan that I am.

I was asked recently why I’m not “trash talking” the opponent. It’s really very simple. I have a lot of friends that are State fans, and I respect and adore most of them. It only makes sense, right? I mean when you’re born and raised in Oklahoma not EVERYONE you know is going to make the right choice. Plus Pokes fans like intelligent Sooner fans. It’s the whole “opposites attract” theory. You know, after the election and the crazy amount of disagreements and torn friendships I witnessed, the last thing I want to do is get in a nasty war of words with a longtime friend over a football game – regardless of its importance. I would rather let the “talking” be done on the field. Even though I have heard plenty against my team, I am electing to just take it with a grain of salt. After all, I honestly think it’s going to be a very close game. I also HATE having to eat my words so I have learned to scale back on the trash talking. But seriously, my orange  (enter choking sound here) wearing friends, stop being so sensitive when we refer to you as Little Brother. That is a valid name and you should be happy we even consider you part of the family.

Also, I will be attending the game with an Okie Lite fan. (and another Sooner fan) The ride home is going to be bad enough for the loser, why add insult to injury? I did my Sooner civic duty by letting her in on the weather report. I hope she listens and dresses warm. In fact I hope all the State fans that are in attendance stay warm and dry. I know they will be wearing hats to cover their ears. How else are they going to keep their thoughts in?

Bedlam – it’s what’s going to happen this Saturday. I don’t dare make a prediction. What I will say that will happen for sure is one of the 2 teams will win. It will be the team with the most points and that team will represent the Big XII in the Sugar Bowl – most likely against Auburn. I also believe it will be a good game and a close score. Both teams are 9-2 and the Sooners are ranked 7th  and the Pokes 11th in the AP polls.It’s going to be war on Owen Field. I just hope I can be belting out my best Def Leppard impression of Pour Some Sugar On Me all the way home.

Boomer Sooner!

Follow me on Twitter and Instagram: @soonerleesa

​**This is for my friend Crystal.**

Have you ever seen Fever Pitch? It’s the movie starring Jimmy Fallon as an all-in, avid Boston Red Sox fan. He meets Drew Barrymore’s character during the off season and tries to warn her about his “passion” for the Sox. She doesn’t seem to have a problem with it because, well she only knows the “off season” guy. Spring training begins and she slowly starts to discover just how truly obsessed – in her eyes, unhealthily – he is with the Sox. She does, however go to the home opener with him even though she doesn’t know even the basics about baseball. Fallon’s character was so smitten though that he decided he would be patient and teach her so she too could become just as obsessed and they can live happily ever after staring at the Green Monster in Fenway Park. Of course it has a happy ending – it has Drew Barrymore after all. No, this is not a movie review, it is just a forerunner to what this story is really about.

So – if you saw the movie – you’ll remember the season ticket holding fans and friends of our male lead were not particularly thrilled with this chick that was intruding on their sacred territory. She made it clear she knew jack shit about the game by asking what the Curse of the Bambino was and couldn’t pronounce Yastrzemski. These other folks have a master’s degree in Boston Baseball and they didn’t have the time, nor the patience, to understand the attraction that was happening right before their very eyes. Not even an Al Waterman sponge could soak up the lack of baseball knowledge this chick had.

I know you’re asking yourself, why is she rambling about a baseball movie when it’s in the middle of football season? Let me explain. This Saturday when the Sooners face Baylor in Norman I am taking a couple of friends that have never been to a football game. Now I know you’re thinking: “She has friends that haven’t ever been to a football game?” Yes. Yes I do. Not only have they never been to a game, they aren’t really football fans. So, the moral to the above story is I believe I am going to be in the same dilemma as Jimmy Fallon’s character. I like my friends a lot actually, but they have already begun to ask some questions that make me wonder if I can get by with celebrating Halloween a couple of weeks late and wear a costume that will completely disguise me.

No, instead of being totally embarrassed by my no football knowledge having friends I thought I would give them a crash course in the game so my other friends and fellow season ticket holders will not give them a hard time and/or glare at me as if I brought an infectious disease to sit with us and spread throughout the beautiful, newly renovated stadium. I am a good friend.

So here we go, here is my syllabus for said crash course:

Lesson 1:

  • You must wear something with crimson or cream, the combination of both, or anything that is close to either shade. You may NOT wear anything green or yellow. ANYTHING. I’m not saying you have to go purchase a new Sooner wardrobe (although how fun would that be?) I’m just saying that if you wear anything close to Baylor related colors you may be in trouble. Not only from the surrounding fans, but keep in mind we sit directly next to the tunnel the Bears will run in and out of. Being on the first row, I fear a couple of them may see your obnoxious colors in a sea of Sooner red and try to rape you.

Lesson 2:

  • Explain Baylor rape allegatioms to friends.

Lesson 3:

  •  The players are wearing are uniforms, not “outfits.” The only Coach on the field will be the actual football coaches. And yes, the players must wear their pants that tight because this is the only form of entertainment you may get if you find you still don’t care for the game. I know you mentioned that said pants should be longer to avoid “grass rash.” But no, as a season ticket holder I can NOT put this in the suggestion box of the designers of the “outfits.”

Lesson 4:

  • The Red Zone is the area of the field between the 20- yard line and the goal line. This is called suchfor both teams. It is not the red zone for Oklahoma only because it matches the school colors, so please don” ask why there is not a green or yellow zone on the field to represent Baylor.

Lesson 5:  

  • A tight end is not a player that just looks good in the above mentioned short pants and has an ass that appears you can bounce a quarter off of. (yes fellas, we girls also use that term) Although, the majority of tight ends do fall into that description, it is an actual position in the game of football in which the player is both an eligible receiver and who will step into some plays and block the defense.
  • Icing the kicker has absolutely nothing to do with slathering the kicker with icing or frosting. Although this does sound somewhat enticing, it is a tactic used by head coaches in which a timeout is called immediately before he opposing team snaps the ballon a field goal..t is intended to psych out the opposing kicker and give him time to think about the kick.

Lesson 6:

  • Please do not giggle like a 12 year old boy when and if you hear the following terms at the game:

“Bangs his way to the 10 yard line”

“Stuffed him”

“In the slot”

“Long snapper”

“It’s all about the penetration”

“Fighting for every inch” – (girls, we know the struggle can be real, don’t we?)

“He’s going deep”

“Eight men in the box”

“Backfield is in motion”


Trust me girls, these are all legitimate football terms, it is not foreplay.


Lesson 7:

  • Offense is when your team (the Sooners) have the ball and score. We want them to score a lot. You will understand when this happens when the crowd is louder than normal, and you see the cute ponies and wagon run out on the field.
  • Defense is……..defense is………ummmmm…….. am Sooner fan. At this time I do not know what defense is.

I am hoping they can retain this valuable knowledge when we take our road trip to Norman this weekend. I hope they do not think any less of me when they actually see me at a live game and behave like a complete deranged lunatic. Most of all, I hope they see the Sooners victorious over the Bears. Boomer Sooner!

Follow me on Twitter: @soonerleesa