Super Bowl vs. Super “Bowl”

Posted: February 2, 2014 in Sports


Here we are ladies and gentlemen, Sunday, February 2nd, 2014. Super Bowl Sunday. The AFC is represented by the Denver Broncos and the NFC by the Seattle Seahawks. But you already knew that. This year I can honestly say I don’t really care who wins the game. I guess it would be nice to see Seattle win since they haven’t ever won it, but then it would also be nice to see Peyton Manning get his second ring so Eli can’t say he has more than his older brother. It only makes since, Peyton is the superior quarterback and it’s only right he have the same number of rings. I say that sarcastically – not the Peyton being superior to Eli part – but I really could care less if Peyton has many rings as his little brother. I am looking forward to the game though, I think it will be a really good one. I’ve been asked over and over again who I think will win and I really can’t pick a winner. Maybe it’s because as I said before, I really don’t care. What I am looking forward to, as always are the prop bets. I’ve written about these before and here I am again. I’m not much of a gambler, but for some reason crazy Super Bowl prop bets intrigue me and I can’t stay away from them. I am going to share some of my favorites with you.

The coin toss: Obviously it’s a toss up – pun intended – but I am picking Seattle to win. There was no scientific thinking behind this choice, I just pick Seattle. Heads or tails? I’m going to choose tails based on the fact that Peyton Manning’s forehead is as big as an ass. No really, that’s my reasoning.

Speaking of Peyton, of course there can’t be a prop bet this year without the “Omaha” bet. How many times will Peyton scream Omaha? The over/under number is 27 1/2. I say it will go over. Which means it has to be 28 times he says it. I think he screamed it much more than that during the AFC playoff game. I hope he hasn’t decided to change cities for the big game. With my luck he probably did. I can hear it now, “Chattanooga!Chattanooga!” I doubt it, he probably has a pretty good future in selling Omaha Steaks. Maybe in the near future we can order an Omaha Steak Papa John’s pizza. I am a realist.
My favorite prop bet is how long will it take the singer to sing the National Anthem. This years magic number is 2:30. (or at least it was on the site I was on.) This year’s singer is Renee Fleming. I confess, I have never heard of her until they announced she would be singing the anthem. She is an opera singer. This is why I’ve never heard of her. I know nada about opera. However, I do know that they ten to hold their notes a long time. I think this is going to be a close one. I actually did some research on this one and I think she actually might just go over. By research, I mean I sat on my couch and belted out my best operatic National Anthem. I sang slow and loud and held those notes. As soon as my neighbor’s dogs stopped howling I realized I went over the 2:30 mark. This makes me a winner and very unpopular with my neighbors. A prop asks if she will forget any of the lyrics. I think opera singers usually have a shit load of words to remember and often in another language, so I think she will NOT forget any anthem words. Another prop is will Renee wear gloves and if so what color will they be. I am saying no she will not. I say this because I Googled images of her and I didn’t find one pic of her with gloves on. Now I know it will be cold outside, but I’m sticking to my decision. I think she likes to hold the cold, hard mic in her bare hands, she just looks like “that” type. (If she does wear gloves, I’m going to have to say black.)
Keeping on the singers theme, let’s talk Bruno Mars props. Will the singer wear a hat at the beginning of his halftime performance? Of course he will, he’s Bruno Mars. The question is will it be a Fedora, tuque, or a fur hat. Good question. I’m going with a fur hat. Not sure why, I just think he needs a fur hat because really, how often do you get a chance to wear a fur hat? Then there’s the question that asks what song he will sing first. I’m gonna go with Locked Out of Heaven. My reasoning? I don’t think he’ll start mellow with The lazy Song or Marry You, and I think he’ll save Grenade for last with some sort of pyrotechnics. Needless to say I don’t have a lot riding on these bets, I just use them for entertainment.

Speaking of entertainment, I am looking more forward to the Red Hot Chili Peppers at halftime than Bruno Mars. And yes, there is a prop for them. Has nothing to do with what songs they are singing, but their wardrobe is involved. Will any of the member of RHCP not be wearing a shirt? Well duh. That’s easy money. I don’t think Flea even owns a shirt. Click. Now pay me. Believe it or not there is actually another prop involving the anthem. Will Knowshon Moreno, Broncos running back, cry during the singing of the National Anthem? He admits crying is not uncommon for him, especially during the anthem, but the camera isn’t usually on him. I’m not betting this one. I mean, how do we even know they will actually show Moreno at that time? After is admission, they probably will at least flash on him, but there is no guarantee. It’s ok to cry, Mr. Moreno, I would cry to if my name were Knowshon.
As we are on the subject of crying, I’m sure everyone remembers how Erin Andrews looked like she was going to cry like a little girl during her interview with Richard Sherman after beating the 49’ers in the NFC Championship game. The next prop is: who will be shown on tv first, Pam Oliver or Erin Andrews? (This is referring to after kick-off) I’m going to choose pam Oliver based solely on the fact that I want to bitch slap Erin Andrews every time I see her and I don’t want the game to start off negatively for me.

Of course there’s the age old Gatorade question. What color will the Gatorade thrown on the winning coach be? I am going with clear this year. I pick a color every year and have never won this. So, I say clear. I am done with colors. Plus, clear is the color of the vodka I put in my orange juice shortly before writing this. It must be a sign.

I can’t end this without mentioning there is a prop – and I am not kidding – asking if the announcers will say the word “marijuana” during the game. We’ve all seen the memes and jokes about this game being a true super “bowl” because both the teams are from states that have legalized marijuana. This does not mean the announcers will talk about it during the game. I’m sure they’ll have more interesting things to talk about during the Super Bowl game. Besides, Terry Bradshaw is doing the pre-game and halftime analysis and everybody knows he will probably be high on his own bowl and they don’t want to point out the obvious to those of us watching on tv.

I hope your team wins and your bets are successful whatever they may be today. Let’s not forget the true meaning of this February 2nd, 2014. It is the day where that damned bastard rodent, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow and predicts a longer winter. I hope Phil chokes on the polar vortex or the Devil’s dandruff itself.

Follow me on Twitter: @soonerleesa For more knowledgeable betting advise follow @sportsrage


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