College Football: WHYYYY??????

Posted: September 12, 2013 in Sports
Tags: , , , , , , ,

So it’s been a while since I’ve posted – I have been a very busy girl. However, now that football season is back in full swing, it should come as no surprise that I’m back. As we are coming upon the 3rd college football Saturday of the 2013, I wanted to set my mind free of some burning question that are currently branding my brain. These are things that happened in the first 2 weeks that left me shaking my head and asking why

WHY was Johnny Manziel only suspended for half a game? Seriously, what’s the point? They opened against Rice for fuck’s sake – that’s not a punishment. He got to stand on the sidelines for 30 minutes with a towel around his neck just waiting for the cameras to back off so he could sign it and throw it to the highest bidder in the stands.  So far he has proven he definitely has game, but if A&M beats Alabama again on Saturday the Aggies are going to have to figure out how in the hell Johnny Football’s head is going to fit in another stadium.  Let me say that I was all for him winning the Heisman last year because I thought he earned it,  but now he has become so irritating he just might have me saying Roll Tide for the first time in my life. Stop acting like a spoiled, entitled bitch.  Johnny, be good.

manziel

 WHY doesn’t  Dana Holgorsen just shave his head? Do you remember Steven Wright – a comedian back in the 80’s? He made the one liner “It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t wanna paint it” famous. Holgorsen totally reminds me of him. Except Steven Wright had some talent.  Maybe he should borrow the Mountaineers mascots Daniel Boone hat. A dead animal would look a hell of a lot better the hot mess he has going on right now.  Hey Dana, it’s a small head, but you really should shave it.

Dana Holgorsen

Dana Holgorsen

Steven Wright

Steven Wright

Why….WHY must the Notre Dame football uniform NOT match their cheerleaders uniforms?  Guys, this may mean nothing to you, but when I’m watching the highlights Sunday morning hung over from the night before, I need shit I’m watching to be more cohesive so it will be less confusing for my clouded head. I realize they have a dumb ass green leprechaun jumping up and down on the sidelines like his lucky charms are on fire because they are the “Irish.” I get that – and I understand that’s why the cheerleaders were also wearing green, but for the love of potatoes, at least add a speckle of green to your football uniforms. Put the damn green clover back on your blinding gold helmets or buy your bitches something new to wear.irish

Hey USC, tell me again WHY you thought it was a good idea to hire Lane Kiffen?kiffen

Let me start by saying I feel really bad for this kid who got a season ending knee injury against Illinois, but WHY the hell would his parents name him Munchie Legaux? I mean I’ve heard of people naming their children after the car or city/state/country they were conceived in but never after a craving driven by getting stoned.  Kind of ironic his injury came from being “sandwiched” between 2 Illini defenders, dontcha think?

Munchie Legaux

Munchie Legaux

Why don’t South Carolina officials realize it’s time to change their name from the Game Cocks – Cocks for short – to something less vulnerable to horrible jokes? Yes, I intentionally used the word short with the word Cocks if you were wondering.  I mean if I were raising a son in South Carolina I would be embarrassed when he told people his dream is to play with the Cocks someday. “Hey little Richard, what do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Richard says “I wanna be a Cock!” By the time little Richard is old enough to go to college he will then be known as Dick. So then we will have a Cock named Little Dick. And what about the daughters who want to be an athlete at the school? “Hey little Jane, who do you want to play basketball for when you grow up?” Little Jane would then reply, “I wanna play with Cocks!” See Dick. See Jane. See Dick and Jane play with Cocks.  Oh and their cheerleaders literally cheer for the Cocks to score. The ideal job to have at South Carolina would be the mascot. How amazing would it be to actually be the biggest Cock of all? carolinacarolina1carolina2

Don’t think I’m going to leave my beloved Sooners out of this.  I must ask Bob Stoops – WHY are you still letting Josh Heupel call the plays from the booth? I love my Sooners and I love Bob Stoops in a somewhat uncomfortable way at times, but last Saturday against West Virginia I wanted to leave my seat and go bitch slap Heupel until his face was crimson red.  As a die hard , proud member of Sooner Nation I have faced the reality that we may have a QB crisis on our hands.  We clearly need to stick to the running game for now and I’m hoping Bobby sat Josh in a corner and painted that picture for him.  We all know Bell is starting this week against Tulsa because Trevor  Knight is hurt. Then we have a bye week before travelling to Notre Dame. The question is, will Knight start in South Bend? Seriously, if the Sooners start him I’m afraid this kid will literally shit his pants in that environment. I just hope if he does it’s the color that DOESN’T match the Irish.

Stoops, Knight, Bell

Stoops, Knight, Bell

Heupel

Heupel

And finally, my most burning question right now is if the allegations against Oklahoma State are all false  as so many Ok. State fans say – “a target because we are doing so well” – WHY doesn’t T. Boone Pickens just reach into his pockets and hire a kick ass legal team and sue Sports Illustrated on behalf of the university? Surely he has enough left over after building their first class athletic digs. This story gets weirder and weirder by the minute. I, as a Sooner fan am not going to sit back and wish it were all true. I have enough to worry about with my own team’s uccess this season. I will however say, if this is a lot of bullshit SI put out there for publicity, I will never EVER pose for the cover of their magazine in a swim suit again. boone

Football is good.

Follow me on Twitter: @soonerleesa

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Comments
  1. sogmaster says:

    everything U Said Is Valid And I For One Can Not Wait For The Next Installment

  2. Sheeeee’s Back!!!!! You make football season so worth reading about – tell it like it is Biotch!

  3. P.S. I HATE COCKS! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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