METTA WORLD WAL-MART GREETER

Posted: May 15, 2012 in Sports

I’m going to start this post by saying yes. Yes, I AM an Oklahoma City Thunder fan. Yes, I want them to beat the Lakers to move to the Western Conference Finals, and YES, I think it would be fantastic to actually have a professional team win a championship so we Okies can experience the excitement of a championship parade. With that being said, I will move along to the real reason I am finally writing again…….

Metta World Peace: The Los Angeles basketball player formally known as Ron Artest. Apparently the 6’7″ NBA star had a spiritual reason for wanting to change his name. When his name change became legal in September, 2011, Artest said, “Changing my name was meant to inspire and bring youth together all around the world,” he said in a statement. “I’m glad that it is now official.”

(This is where I must pause to throw up in my mouth a little.)

You may ask yourself, “Metta?” Not only did I ask myself, I asked my dear friend Google and this is the answer I got: The Buddhist term Metta means “loving kindness and friendliness towards other.”

Really? So you, Mr. Artest are now delusional enough to think that legally changing your name to something so positive and peaceful will make it true? I wish I could attend game 2 of the series tomorrow just so I could wear my “I Am a Wealthy Sexy Bitch” jersey. That way everyone would believe it. Right? I mean if World Peace is on the back of your jersey, then it MUST be true. I mean Chad Johnson wore Ocho Cinco on his back for a while and he really was number 85, so surely this is the perfect way to subliminally change the way people view you.

Perhaps I am being too judgmental. I would apologize, but I, Ron Artest, am not sorry for thinking your jersey should really read World Piece of Shit. You want to inspire youth? To do WHAT? Suck on Hennessy in the locker room at halftime? Oh wait, maybe you can inspire the Boy’s Club of America league to come to practice in their bathrobes – if you’re feeling REALLY “metta”, maybe you can buy them all matching team robes maybe similar to the one you practiced in when you were with the Pacers. Here’s a brilliant idea: to inspire future NBA rookies, you can allow each and every one of them to use your name as a reference when applying at Best Buy so they can get a part time job while not on the court so they can get a discount. We all realize how professional athletes need to pinch every penny possible. I cannot with a clear conscious suggest Circuit City as a future employer because the one in my home town no longer exists which leads me to believe it is not a financially stable company as it once was when you applied there as a rookie for the discount. Oh, maybe I am too quick to judge. Maybe you were aware of your tv camera destroying abilities back then and thought that discount may come in handy one day. Silly me,  I under estimate your ability to think ahead.

Here’s a burning question for you, Ronnie. When you got suspended for an entire season for punching that Pistons fan, did you apply at Wal Mart to supplement the approximately 7 million dollars you lost due to suspension? I, for one would have LOVED to see you as a Wal Mart greeter fetching a basket for me and applying a mother fucking smiley face sticker to my jacket as I walk through the doors. It’s a beautiful visual.

I know, I know, these incidents happened in the past and you are now a changed man. After all, a judge did grant you a name change to Metta World Peace. I’m certain you have changed your ways.

(This is where I must pause to throw up in my mouth a little, again.)

You made it abundantly clear, Ron,  that you have become a better man back in April when you dunked on Kevin Durant and Serge Ibaka during a game in LA vs. the Thunder. In a post celebratory thrown elbow to the side of James Harden’s head after said dunk, you still continued to pound your chest as he lay on the floor concussed the hell out. After the game, you did tell reporters that you ” got really emotional and excited and it was unfortunate that James had to get hit with an unintentional elbow.” And I will give you credit for an apology that went something like this: ” I hope he’s OK. The Thunder, they’re playing for a championship this year, so I hope that he’s OK and I apologize to the Thunder and to James Harden.” (enter sarcastic applause here) Sorry, I just can’t get past the word “unintentional.” I saw the video. Several times. The only thing unintentional about that elbow was the fact that Harden did not leave the floor on a stretcher.

And now, because you are like a grown ass man-child and negative attention is at least some kind of attention, you say you will refuse to shake Harden’s hand during this series because you don’t shake hands with “substitutes.” I understand in the NBA there is not really an after game hand shake protocol. I get that ‘slapping hands’ before the game is more NBA style, and I’m good with that. But to actually say you don’t shake hands with substitutes is as demeaning as saying the help can only eat in the kitchen and not in the dining room. Keep it classy, Ron, after all you do want to inspire our youth. Apparently your inspiration is absent of sportsmanship. I hope you enjoyed the footage of James Harden being presented the NBA’s Sixth Man of the Year trophy last night. That’s what kind of “substitute he is. The best to come off the bench in the league. You do remember last night, don’t you? You know, when the Lakers got the shit beat out of them by the Thunder? Oh wait, I do recall you leaving early to go into the locker room for what is still a mysterious reason. (sore loseritis maybe?)  In my personal opinion, I’m sure Harden doesn’t care that you don’t want to shake his hand because he is only a substitute. He shouldn’t want to shake yours in fear of some of the stupid rubbing off on him and knowing there is no cure for asshole once exposed.

So OKC leads your Lakers 1-0. I am positive, your team will get their legs back and somehow derive a way to slow Westbrook down so you don’t lose another game by damn near 30 points. I predict OKC eliminate your Lakers in 6 games, but what do I know – I’m just a chick from Oklahoma who likes to rant in a blog every once in a while. I do know one thing though, it’s a pretty obvious what a classless World Piece of Shit you are when you can make an entire arena a bible thumping Okies boo and hiss world peace.

One last thing, Mr. Detest – I mean Artest: THUNDER UP, BITCH.           

Follow me on Twitter: @soonerleesa

email: leesa@shesaidsports.net

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Comments
  1. Pierre says:

    Good one! Lakers are going down like the little bitches that they are.

  2. aj says:

    Sorry I know I’m behind. There is always a future for him in mma, where you don’t have to issue an apology for elbows LOL!!!

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