SUPER BOWL SUNDAY AND THE SINGLE GIRL’S DILEMMA

Posted: February 4, 2012 in Sports, Uncategorized

It’s the day before the Super Bowl and I have a decision to make. Should I attend a party with a giant roasting pig, multiple kegs, approximately 200 beer guzzling people and the possibility of a drunken hook up that will be regretted Monday morning? Or should I join a few friends at a sports bar with bar food. wine in a real glass instead of a Toby Keith red solo cup, and a potential bar tab that I could regret more than the drunken hook up from the pig party? I could always stay home and enjoy the game from my own living room. I tried that last year when a freak blizzard had me trapped and I was forced to cancel my own party and I didn’t enjoy it. Thankfully, I had all the food I had purchased for that party to keep me alive for the 12 days I was imprisoned by a bitch named Mother Nature. At least there was snow so I could make a Steelers snowman in my backyard so I would have a friend to celebrate my beloved team playing in the big game. It was a beautiful relationship while it lasted. The results of the game forced me to violently destroy my only party guest. RIP SnowSteeler.

Clearly, this holiday known as Super Bowl Sunday and where to spend it and who to spend it with has become a single girl’s dilemma. Damn my love for football. I should not even care about this game. It is the Giants and Patriots. Yet, I do care. You might think I want the Patriots to win because they are representing the AFC. If you truly think that, let me introduce myself. Hi, I’m Leesa, and I am a Hatriot. With that being said, Go Giants. (To AJ: don’t get too excited – I only say that because I have no choice.) It’s simple, I am cheering AGAINST New England. I’ll be honest, if I were betting on the game, I would choose the Patriots for the win. However, because the Giants were peaking earning their way to this game, it wouldn’t shock me if they did win. I do think it will be a really close game. This is why I won’t bet on the game. I am, however very intrigued by the props you can bet on.

Let’s start with my annual favorite: how long will it take Kelly Clarkson to sing the National Anthem? According to Bovada, the over/under number is 1:34.  If she doesn’t forget or screw up the words like what’s her name did last year, I am going for the over. That’s right, Kelly – I hope you hold the word “brave” so long you pass out. Speaking of  the words, that is another prop. Will she forget or omit at least one word? Hell no, she won’t. After all the torture Genie in a Bottle had to endure last year, Kelly Clarkson will nail every word. She is petrified of being sentenced to working with Blake Shelton and Cee Lo Greene like Christina is now doing. Bitch is doing hard time after last year’s anthem debacle.

Will Kelly Clarkson’s bare belly be shown during the singing of the National Anthem? Yes, this a real prop. I’m leaving this one alone. I would like to say no, but then again, there have been worse wardrobe malfunctions at the Super Bowl. And last but not least for the Kelly Clarkson props: Will she wear her hair up or down?  I did some intense research on this. By intense research, I mean I did a google image search. Out of the 212 images that came up, she had her hair up in only 4 of them. In 2, she had her bangs pulled out of her face with a barette. This still qualifies as down in my opinion. So, do the math, people. I am laying it down on her hair being down. If that bitch shows up with her hair up or in a pony tail and short changes me on the “home of the brave” I will personally meet her at the Indy airport with a pair of scissors and make sure she will not be able to wear her hair up for a very long time.

Speaking of Indy, the Super Bowl couldn’t possibly be played there without Peyton Manning somehow being part of it. The fact that his brother is playing in it, makes the odds of hearing his name and seeing his face even greater. Why, yes, there is a prop for that. How many times will Peyton Manning be shown on tv during the game? If we’re all really lucky that would be ZERO, but we all know that won’t happen.  The number? The books currently have it at 3 1/2.  So, if you bet the under, and he is shown 3 times,  you win. This is from kick off to the final whistle – halftime does not count. Oh, and only live pictures count. Taped pictures or past video – no go. I would think the under is the way to go. If we have to see his face live more than 3 times during the game, I will be disappointed. Didn’t we suffer enough during the regular season when we were forced to watch the Colts and see him on the sidelines? This game should be about the Manning playing, not the other ugly one.  The other Manning is not the only family member that’s not playing that has a prop. Tom Brady’s wife, Giselle Bundchen has the same: how many times will she be shown? Same rules – only live pictures. The number? The books have it at 1/2. Yes one half. So if she is shown just one time and you bet the over, winner, winner, chicken dinner. Speaking of chicken dinners, Giselle, you should eat one every once in a while. Let’s not forget the youngest Brady who also has his own prop. Will Tom Brady’s son be wearing a Brady jersey if he is shown on tv? Wait….which son? Not betting this one either. Betting on something with children involved just makes it sound so desperate.

Another one of my favorite props is: What Color will the Gatorade (or liquid) be that is dumped on the Head Coach of the Winning Super Bowl Team?  Again, after more intense research, I am going to have to go with clear. Yellow was a close second. I do think if the Giants win, there is a better chance that it might be yellow that is dumped on Tom Coughlin. If the Patriots win, I am confident it will be clear. And it won’t be Gatorade at all. It will be vodka – I’m pretty sure vodka is the drink of choice for Bill Belichick. Vodka is also the perfect choice for a Kraft dinner. So much better than white wine – wine would indicate class. Vodka is perfect for a hoodie wearing cheater, Yeah, I said it. Remember…..HATRIOT.

 

I’m a little disappointed that there are no Madonna props. I’m sure she’ll bring her own.

And so Super Bowl 46 is about 24 hours from kick-off. I hope the Giants win, Kelly Clarkson sings for over 94 seconds with her hair down, and that vodka is dumped on the head of the winning coach. If you are gambling on the game, good luck, but most of all I hope I regret nothing Monday morning.

HAPPY SUPER BOWL SUNDAY EVERYONE.

 

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER: @soonerleesa

EMAIL: leesa@shesaidsports.net

 

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Comments
  1. I would stay home and laugh at the pictures that will be posted of your posted friends. Then you will be able to breath a sigh of relief that none of those embarrassing pictures are of you.

    Clarkson – Over
    Peyton – Under
    Over/Under Collinsworth says “_____ should have…” is 7 1/2. (I have over)

  2. Jaime Watts says:

    Another well crafted blog my friend. Hope you enjoy your party (whichever you choose). I have wagered on your selection and will enjoy eating my beef on weck when I win:) loser eats crow;)

  3. aj says:

    Lmao!!!! Thanks for the support all the same 🙂

  4. Sam Deakin says:

    The party with the beer and pig would be the best option surely! haha

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