The NFL’s new Handshake Rule

Posted: October 17, 2011 in Sports

It’s week 6 and the pussification of the NFL continues.  First the “tuck rule” and now by the end of the upcoming week the Hard Handshake Rule” will be implemented. This rule, of course will only apply to coaches. I’m not sure if it will apply to all coaches or just head coaches yet or just how it will be worded, but we can thank Jim Harbaugh for having too hard of a handshake.

If you have not heard or have watched the video of what happened that led to such lunacy, let me paint you a picture. The San Francisco 49’ers went to Detroit to play the undefeated Lions. Now I know if you haven’t being paying close attention to the NFL this season you are asking yourself, “Did she just say the UNDEFEATED Lions?” Yes, yes I did, and I am referring to the Detroit Lions that play in Ford Field. Don’t get too excited, because after today, the Lions are no longer in the ranks of the unbeaten. The 49’ers ultimately won the game 25-19.  As usual, the coaches meet in the middle for the traditional handshake. This is where the “Great Handshake Debacle” begins.

Apparently Jim Harbaugh – the head coach of the 49’ers – was excited his team went into a hostile environment as a slight underdog and ended up victorious over an unbeaten team. Your first mistake, Jim: you are a head coach are you are not supposed to show excitement. How unprofessional of you. Then you have the nerve to shake Jim Schwartz’s hand too hard and slap him on the back. I’m going to save you from having to do a Google search – Jim Schwartz is the head coach of the Lions – hence the reason Harbaugh shook his hand in the first place. If you were to type Schwartz’s name into a search engine, a picture of  Baby Huey would appear.

According to Schwartz, he went to congratulate Harbaugh and “got shoved out of the way. And then I didn’t expect an obscenity at that point, so it was a surprise to me at the end of the game.” When asked to clarify, Schwartz simply said it can be seen in the video. I saw the video. What I saw was one coach slapping another coach on the back and shaking his hand. This was followed by the coach in blue getting pissed off then chasing Harbaugh towards the tunnel only to have staff, assistant coaches and players to restore some kind of order. Oh, by the way, this is a real story….just in case you were wondering.

Now, I will give Schwartz the benefit of the doubt. Maybe there were some obscenities, I don’t know – I couldn’t tell by the video. Even if there were, does this require him to go straight up Charlie Sheen crazy? Must be the Tiger Blood flavored Gatorade on the sidelines leftover from Detroit Tigers loss to the Texas Rangers the day before in the American League Championships. (This refers to baseball for my friends who don’t follow sports but still read this because I force them to) I mean, seriously Coach Schwartz, you chased the man almost 40 yards down the field because he gave a passionate hand shake and slap on the back? Oh, and apparently said something obscene. Don’t you think the mature thing to do would have been to just let it go and then go home and tell your mommy and let her call Mrs. Harbaugh? Nooo… you needed to chase him down like the whiny bitch you are. You do realize, you almost matched your team’s total rushing yards against the 49’ers in that one “play.” Perhaps you should have used that energy in the locker room instead of being a sore loser and chasing after the other teams coach who maybe was a little too jubilant at the wrong time.

Jim Harbaugh did apologize after the game. He said he did give a hard handshake and that it was “his bad and on him.” So he is sorry that his handshake is too strong? Don’t be sorry, Jim Harbaugh. It’s not your fault that Schwartz is a puss and is extra sensitive. Blame the Lions training staff for not providing him with a Pamprin. Now, both coaches will probably get fined. Why? Schwartz will be fined for being a lunatic and Harbaugh will be fined for being passionate and  happy when they met mid field for a handshake. Pay attention coaches of the NFL: start using Palmolive at home from now on when you’re washing dishes, because from here on out, only soft handshakes will be permitted on a football field. Come to think of, you would think Harbaugh’s handshake would have softened up a little by now. After all, he does spend a lot of time in San Francisco.

With that being said, I have known all along that Jim Harbaugh has strong hands. There was never a doubt in my mind. It’s no secret that I have had a major crush on Jimmy Harbaugh since the first time I laid eyes on him – way back in the day when he was QB for the Chicago Bears. I am in no way excusing his harsh (sarcasm) behavior towards Jim Schwartz – but I sure would LOVE to know the obscenity that was used. I can only imagine that it was something like “Good game, Schwartz. I’m gonna go home and slap Leesa on the ass just as hard as I did your back.”

A girl can only dream.

P.S. The St. Louis Cardinals just won the National League Championship and are headed to the World Series to face the Texas Rangers. My dad must be celebrating in heaven right now. It’s going to be a great series. I can’t wait! GO CARDS!!!!

On a serious note: Prayers to the family of Dan Wheldon – 2 time Indy 500 winner. He tragically lost his life in a horrible crash at a race in Las Vegas today. He leaves behind a wife and 2 young children. Though these will be sad and dark days ahead for his family and the sport of racing, this man died doing what he loved best.  RIP.


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  1. Nothing like a clean, firm grip. They could always ditch the handshake and go for a reach-around. Well done Leesa!

  2. “go home & slap Leesa on the ass” hahaha quite the visual! Fantastic entertainment as usual Leesa – thank you!

  3. I watched the Harbaugh handshake. It’s no big deal. Everybody hates to lose and winning is great – but some decorum is needed.

  4. aj says:

    Maybe next time they should just flash gang signs instead of handshakes LOL!!!

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