Tower Surfing: New Extreme Sport!

Posted: August 16, 2011 in Sports

I know, this is called SheSaidSports, but every once in a while I get so intrigued by a story I just have to write about it. I will usually manage to throw a sports reference in the mix to satisfy you sports freaks, and this story will be no different. I promise to do my best to sling something “sporty” your way.

Now, I know I’m gonna get some flack for what you’re about to read, but as you may have figured out by now, I really don’t give a shit. Enter “Tower Man.” Who the hell is Tower Man?” you may be asking yourself. If you ARE asking yourself that question, chances are you do not live in Tulsa. If you do live here and are asking –  turn your tv on, read a newspaper….listen to the damn radio for the love of God. This is a 25 year old man who has climbed a communications tower on the roof of the Fox23 News/ClearChannel studios in Tulsa. He has been there since around 11 a.m. Thursday morning. Let me explain the significance of this – especially if you are reading this days from now. I am writing this at 6:15 pm Monday night – August 15th. He climbed the Tower Thursday morning, August 11th. That is roughly 105 hours at the time of this posting. The last time he had something to eat or drink was Friday – either morning or afternoon – not clear on the time.  So TTM (Tulsa Tower Man) has been up on the tower with no food or water, a dead cell phone that the police sent up to him via a fire truck’s basket on a ladder thing, and well, no bathroom. So, for the first few days, if you were there observing and felt a sprinkle, it may or not have been rain. The other……I cannot even think about it – but I’m sure there’s a giant bird joke in there somewhere. After this much time without food or water, I’m not sure what kind of waste he may have left in him. Whatever it is, I refuse to think about it.

What is miraculous to me is what TTM has endured these past few days.  Let’s start with the heat. How the hell this guy can even be in contact with all that steel with the hellish temperatures we have had is unthinkable. I don’t think he is wearing gloves, so either he has calloused hands that masquerade the pain of palm on pole, or he is high – and I don’t mean from being perched on a tower. Now, the smartest thing TTMdid before this adventure was making the decision to wear red socks. He kicked of his sneakers on day one, and ever since then, his red socks have been dangling from the tower like Little Cindy Lou Who’s Christmas stocking waiting to be stuffed on Christmas morning. These colorful garments make it a lot easier for the spectators to see when looking up at him. If you look too hard and start seeing sun spots, the red socks are there to let you know he is still there. Gives a whole new meaning to seeing red.

Tulsa's Tower Man

And let’s talk about the thunderstorms that rolled through. TTM is like Morris the Cat and has nine lives. He has dodged lightning bolts while sitting on a tower. Really, William? I call him William because that is his name. Think about it, if you haven’t been fried by eleventy billion watts of electricity coming from the sky, chances are, it’s not your time. Just sayin.

My favorite part of thinking about this story though, is thinking of TTM holding on during the 60 plus mph winds that were blowing during these storms. Now, here’s your sports reference. Tower Surfing should be a sport. Climb a freaking tower, and let’s see how long you can hold on when the good ole Oklahoma winds come sweeping down the plains. The ultimate goal? F-5 twister. If that mother fucker can keep holding on through THAT, he wins! This is the ultimate extreme sport. It can happen anywhere. Tower Surfing in California when a major earthquake happens. Tower Surfing in the Gulf Coast when a hurricane comes a calling. Tower Surfing in the North East when a blizzard comes through. For extra points, you can stick your tongue to one of the poles while you’re up there to see how long it stays frozen to it. You know, like that dumb ass kid in A Christmas Story. After all, you don’t need your tongue for eating or drinking, so why the hell not? William, you are the Naismith of Tower Surfing. Years from now there will be a trophy named after you for the MVP of the Tower Surfing Championships. I’m so excited for how proud your family is going to be! Maybe there can even be tournaments. If you win the Tower Surfing Masters, last years champion can climb to the top of the tower and put some green socks on your feet! I am getting cold chills just thinking about it. Kowafuckingbunga for Tower Surfing!!! Hang Ten, bitches.

The Tulsa Police say TTM may have mental issues. Well, no shit. I feel so much safer knowing that Tulsa’s finest came to this conclusion. I’m sure the head of the department is Captain Obvious. Apparently, William also has a record he carried to the tower with him, including robbery and drug convictions. The police also say he is not suicidal. The report is he said he doesn’t believe in it. Really? Even if he doesn’t jump, the organs can only take so much of this and will eventually shut down.  We are also being told he is afraid of people and any spectators that “taunt” him will be taken into custody. Here’s a suggestion: how about you remove the cherry picker with the law in it that has been in his face since this started? How about you stop leaving food, cigarette, and drink requests from William at the bottom of the tower to lure him down like cheese in a mousetrap? How about you send him some water every few hours and leave him the hell alone until he decides what he wants really do? You want to help him??? Stop giving him the attention that is drawing crowds to witness his mental breakdown. Have you ever heard the term “enabler?”

One last suggestion: how about you give a front page story and photo of 37 year old Staff Sgt. Kirk Owen who was killed in Afghanistan on August 2 when the vehicle he was riding in hit an improvised explosive device. He leaves behind a wife and 2 teenaged daughters. Sgt. Owen is unfortunately one of many that deserve our attention and respect. How about those spectators who are taking time to watch someone battling inner demons from a parking lot use that time to honor the true heroes by writing a letter to a soldier thanking him for what he is doing for our country. Like I said…..just a suggestion.

So, one last thing I’m going to say about William, Tulsa’s Tower Man. I, in NO WAY wish harm to this man despite the above humor. I do hope he is left alone. I don’t mean completely, but get out of his face, and no pun intended, and out of his air space. Only he can make the decision to climb down. As someone who has experienced the aftermath of a suicide by someone very close, I pray for his family this is not what it ends up to be. I have a feeling, when the spotlight burns out, so will his desire to be on a tower, and his descent will begin.

P.S. Out of concern for TTM, I have typed this article in RED.

God bless our troops.

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  1. aj says:

    Both my boyz are down there trying to get his ass to come down Lmao!!!!

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