Brett Favre vs. The McRib

Posted: July 26, 2011 in Sports

This is dedicated to Jack Miller and ChrisinKingston – 2 dear friends that have both just hit a bump in the road. I’m so glad you are both well enough to read this – and if you smiled just one time, then I succeeded. Thinking of you both.

For the love of God, PUH-LEES tell me I am being Punk’d.

I am hearing way too much Brett Favre returning buzz. And when I say buzz, I don’t mean a cell phone on vibrate. First Mike Vick tweets that he would be fortunate to have Brett as a back up. Now, in my excitement that the Tom Foolery of the strike is over, I go to to check out the headlines, and what is on the front page? A poll question. This question is asking if I feel like Brett Favre would be a good fit in Philadelphia. Are you fucking kidding me? I feel Brett Favre would be a much better fit on the Island of Misfit Toys.

I did hear that Favre’s manager has said that all this “return” talk is speculation. MY speculation is, IF he does come back AGAIN, I am going to puke. And when I do, I am going to make damn sure it is the perfect mixture of Packer, Jet, AND Eagle green. Don’t worry, I will drink a gallon of grape kool-aid to make sure the Vikings are represented in my vomit. I’m not including the Falcons in this puke concoction – he was there only a year and didn’t really count then.

I have heard he loves the game too much to walk away and he’s not doing it for the money. You love the game so much, then coach. Please don’t think of a career in broadcasting. Your penis tried that once, and it failed. We sure as hell don’t want that to make a come back either. I don’t think I can stomach hearing your voice call a game or analyze it before, during, or after.  Last year you determined your return on the success of surgery you had on your shoulder. That was last year. This year’s surgery won’t be as easy to recover from. Lobotomies are serious and should not be taken lightly, Brett.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have not always been anti-Favre. I have never been a Packers fan, but I always had the utmost respect for Brett. I loved watching him play and get so excited everytime he threw a touchdown pass. He reminded me of a little boy out there playing carefree. I will never argue his love for the game – he’s not that good of an actor. We know this from his Wrangler commercials. I cried the first time he retired right along with him. When he decided to come back, I completely understood. He had made a mistake and he was not done. I was even ok with return number 2. A little irritated, but again, understanding. But by the 3rd time, I was done. I’m tired of your retirement speeches and CROCodile tears. I still respect the records and what you did on the football field, but it ends there. Whatever really happened with this “Cock Gate” scandal is irrelevant to me at this point. How you handled it, however showed the other side ~ the asshole. You’ve got your records, your Super Bowl ring, your MVP’s, hell you even got a cool ass nickname – the Gunslinger. Going to Canton is a no brainer in your case. You are the only player in NFL history to be drafted by the NFL and McArthur’s Army. What else could you possibly want? Grab a headset, a coach’s polo shirt, a play book and shut the fuck up.

Brett Favre, you are like the McRib. You go away, and just when we think it’s forever, you surface again. And like the McRib, you don’t really get any better. It’s still the McRib and is , for the lack of better words, gross. Oh, and might I add, from the looks of things, the McRib may be able to one-up you. At least you can order the McRib super sized.

So I beg you, McBrett, please don’t make me suffer through another retirement. You’ve already ruined Wranglers for me. And that’s pretty bad. I live in Oklahoma, and there are a lot of cowboys here whose asses looked pretty damn good in Wranglers. Not anymore. That vision has been destroyed. Now, when I see a guy in Wranglers, all I see is a giant McRib with the number 4 branded into it’s bun.

Is there a McRib Happy Meal? If there is, what is the the toy that comes inside? A toy cell phone?

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  1. Ouch!! I would say that is brutal honesty, but I am too busy laughing!

  2. aj says:

    LOL!!! Another gem Ctfu!!!! Good work leesa!!!

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