NCAA Men’s Final vs. Cinderella

Posted: April 5, 2011 in Sports

I am confused. I keep hearing that the Women’s NCAA Basketball final is being played tonight. I thought I was watching the women last night, in fact I’m sure of it, after all,  UCONN was out there on the court weren’t they? Oh wait, that was Jim Calhoun sweating vodka bullets on the court. That WAS the men’s final. I almost forgot the UCONN women’s team didn’t make the final this year. Calhoun should be proud of his team for scoring 53 points in the National Championship game. I know I was impressed that they shot 1 for 11 from the 3 point range and 35% shooting for the game. Yes, they scored 12 more points than Butler did so the Huskies proudly got to stand on a ladder and cut the net down piece by piece. I wonder if anyone gave the Butler boys a piece of the net. I mean they did have a big part of the Huskies victory didn’t they? Butler shot 19% – the lowest ever in the tournament. The Bulldogs played like they were BYU guys – not being able to hit the hole on the hardwood. Seriously, what the hell was that?  94 points total? I missed the last 30 minutes of Dancing With the Stars for what had to be the worst game in NCAA Final history. (by the way, props to Hines for dancing in Steelers colored satin and what seemed to resemble a Terrible Towel hanging from his feminine dancing pants) I did not get to see the Karate Kid OR Kirstie Alley eat the sequins off her partner’s outfit mistaking them for jelly beans because I changed the channel to witness the debacle of the 2011 Men’s NCAA Final. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to put a wet towel on the Huskie’s championship – they played a hell of a tournament to get to the last game. Who am I to complain? I chose Duke to go all the way.  It was indeed a fantastic and exciting tournament – up until last night.


My favorite tournament highlights, you ask? I’ll just use short phrases: Shaka Smart and VCU – damn I like saying his name….SHAKA! Jimmer Fredette’s shot making ability – come to think of it, I just like saying his name too; no number 1 or 2 seeded teams making it to the Final Four. Personally, the fact that I got to watch some games live in Tulsa was a huge highlight for me. Let’s not forget Morehead State – yes because again, I like Morehead. Who doesn’t like Morehead?  UCONN beating Butler in the championship game? DEAD LAST. Thanks Huskies and Bulldogs for giving me 2.5 hours I will never get back. I should have scheduled a pap smear last night, at least I would have felt something. I’d be willing to bet Mike Vick was intrigued simply because there were a lot of damn dogs involved. And is this UCONN win going to gloss over the infractions and impending suspension of Jim Calhoun next season for violating NCAA law, er I mean rules? I suppose it is only fitting that a team with NCAA violations win the basketball championship following Cam Newton winning the Heisman and Auburn the crystal football.


I admit I was pulling for Butler to win. Since they were in the final last year, I suppose it wouldn’t have been a true Cinderella story, but, as I said in my previous post, I really wanted to see Brad Stevens aka Ferris Buehler dance on a float in the streets of Indianapolis in a victory parade. But alas, UCONN got more points so they win. They went to the royal ball and danced with the prince. By midnight, they left the castle, climbed in a coach and rode off to the hotel in Houston to party with their new Nat’l Championship T-shirts and hats. They weren;t drinking champagne from the glass slipper though. The glass slipper was left behind and was not picked up by the prince. It was left on the court for the NCAA to sniff around and piss on. The Huskies ugly step father, Bill Calhoun will be the one scrubbing floors in rags during the first 3 Big East games next season. He is also left with recruiting restrictions and scholarship reductions for 3 academic years. The punishment could be worse, but it will be no fairy tale for Calhoun and UCONN in the near future. You can dress up the situation in ball gowns all you want, it will still be as ugly as Cinderella’s step sisters – maybe not as ugly as last nights game, but definitely unattractive. That’s not a prince knocking on your door to ask you to try on a glass slipper, Mr. Calhoun, that is the NCAA Violations Police coming to strip you of your legacy. I do not foresee a happily ever after here.


I must end this with kudos to Jim Nantz. With all the “dog” references regarding this game, he had the last line and the best line: “UCONN Huskies win Best in Show.” Good job, Jim. And congratulations to the other Jim –  Jim Calhoun and the UCONN Huskies – YOU SUCKED WORSE THAN BUTLER.


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