Final Four vs. Ferris Bueller

Posted: March 29, 2011 in Sports

 We have our Final Four, folks – and what a Final Four it is. This has to be the bloodiest bracket season I have ever seen. For the first time since 1979, there are no number 1 OR number 2 seeded teams that made it to Houston for the much sought after prestige of being in the Final Four. For those of you mathmatically challenged, that is 32 years.  This is what a college basketball team works for all season. UCONN, somewhat surprising, but not shocking. Kentucky – given their history on the hardwood, again no real shock factor, in fact I actually had them beating Ohio State and going to the Final Four. I kept saying they are a dark horse, not to mention the fact that I kinda like saying KY. Let me say, that it is the ONLY thing I got right. This is where I should thank the Blue Devils for playing like chumps and looking like dook instead of Duke. Apparently Coach K forgot to have his magical bowl of Special K that day. The only thing that made me feel better was watching Kansas and North Carolina also lose.

Then there’s the game that I am as excited as a locked up nymphomaniac on conjugal visit day to watch: Butler vs. VCU. Let me repeat myself: Butler vs. VCU. Maybe Butler is not as surprising here, they did after all make it to the finals last year. Still, the road to the Final Four hasn’t been a cake walk. They beat Florida in overtime to get there. But that’s what Butler does. They win close games and seem to own the final minutes.

VCU. This is Virginia Commonwealth University for those of you wondering but too embarrassed to ask.  I like this team, after all, they beat Kansas. As we have established from my last entry, I am not a fan of Kansas. Rock Chalk shut the fuck up Jayhawks.  But, I like this team most of  all because they have a coach named Shaka Smart. SHAKA SMART. Not just Smart – genius. He is one cool kat, in fact he got a technical called on him for the first time all season towards the end of the Kansas game. I am convinced it’s because he powered on a straight up ghetto boom box and played “I Feel for You” as loud as he could to fuck with Bill Self. You know the song……”Shaka Khan………Shaka Khan, Shaka Khan. Shaka Khan let me rock you, let me rock you Shaka Khan…….” You get the point. (and for the record, yes – I know it’s Chaka Khan) This game will be as classic as the song, I’m sure. Two young , stud coaches playing to get to the finals of the NCAA Tournament. Epic.

That brings me to Butler’s coach – Brad Stevens. Hell of a coach. I can’t help but wonder though if he is on a work program and is working his way through college by coaching the basketball team at Butler. Have you seen this guy? He has players that look older than him. In fact the first time I really paid attention to him I was wondering why Ferris fucking Bueller was in a suit acting like he was coaching a college basketball game. Did I miss that part of the movie? I thought I had every Ferris Bueller antic embossed in my brain.  This one is new. Ed Rooney would NEVER think to look in Indianapolis at Butler University for Ferris. Like Shaka Smart, Ferris is genius. Not even his bitch of a sister could be on to this one. I cannot wait for the day the Butler Bulldogs win the championship so we can witness “Brad Stevens” on a float in downtown Indy rocking out to the Beatles’ Twist and Shout. I’m not sure where you found time to master the art of coaching college basketball, but Brad “Ferris Bueller” Stevens, you’re my hero. Come this weekend, I AM a Butler Bulldogs fan. Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? That’s BUTLER, bitch.

So at this point, I believe I have made it pretty clear who I would like to see win this thing. If I had to make a prediction, I would predict that KY beats UCONN – and I’m not above admitting it’s because I choose KY any chance I get. Obviously, no offense to you Shaka Smart, but I am going with Brad Stevens to beat your Rams.  And hello John Calipari – your young KY team is going to fall to the Butler Bulldogs, and Brad Stevens will shake your hand and – like Ed Rooney said to Ferris will whisper in your ear, “Les jeux sont faits. Translation: your ass is mine.” There are already T-shirts reading “The Butler did it” selling like hot cakes. Makes it somewhat of a tragedy that Morehead State didn’t make the Final Four. Who wouldn’t want a shirt that says “Everybody wants MoreHead” ?

So buckle your seatbelts everyone, we have a wild ride to the NCAA Championship game. This year, the Final Four is a freaking fantasy for those who practice beastiality. Wildcats vs. Huskies and Bulldogs vs. Rams. I will end this with the best quote from the classic movie which is Ferris Bueller’s Day Off: Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around every once in a while, you could miss it.

Shake it up baby, twist and shout.



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  1. Chris says:

    love it! the Ferris Bueller reference perfectly timed!

  2. aj says:

    When I first saw the movie ferris bueller I was convinced that white people were magic Ctfu!!!!!

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