Bracketolgy vs. Leesa

Posted: March 17, 2011 in Uncategorized

Happy St. Patrick’s Day. This day is usually filled with fun, green beer, and a designated driver for me – and I’m sure tonight will be no different. However, today marks the day of the beginning of the 2011 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament and my bracket sits incomplete with more scratch and scribbles than actual picks. As I type this it is 5:56 am. This means I must get up, get ready, drive to work and complete the bracket by 10am. Oh the stress. Every year, I grab a blank bracket and it is filled out and turned in the same day. Every year, I never come close to winning. This year is different……I want to win. I MUST win.

 This years  “Bracketology” has done nothing but piss me right the hell off. I am, after all, a woman. Shouldn’t I be more worried about what shade of green I am wearing today? Shouldn’t I be spending more time picking out my shoes instead of picking teams in a basketball tournament bracket? Maybe, but not this woman. I have been up all night trying to think of a strategic system that will assure that I come out victorious in this years bracket competition. So far my system has the University of Fuck It as this years champion. They will be facing This is Bullshit College in the big game. In other words, I have not dealt with this Bracketology stress very well and I’m pretty sure I may need some kind of therapy.

 My gut tells me to choose Ohio State as the tournament champion, my heart tells me to choose Duke. One gambling degenerate suggested that I have Kansas as the big winner. Rock chalk Jayhawk – what the hell is that all about anyway? I WANT to pick Duke but the voices in my head keep screaming out that back to back championships are really hard to come by. Shut the fuck up voices, they’ve done it before, they can do it again. Coach K IS college basketball and he can make magic on the court. He will put his spell on those white boys and they will once again walk away victorious. Or will they? The Blue Devils are also known for choking on the hardwood in the big tourney. No matter what, I am having a hard time scribbling out the University of Fuck It and replacing it with Kansas.

 I do not like Kansas, the band or the school. The best thing about Kansas is that Dorothy Gale lived there, got knocked the hell out in a tornado accident and landed in the land of Oz with the wicked witch, her flying monkeys and 3 pedophiles that followed her along the way. You can’t convince me the Scarecrow was only looking for a brain, the Tin Man only a heart, and the Lion only courage. The only courage the Lion was looking for was how to suggest an orgy between the 4 of them on the infamous yellow brick road. I’m sure he subliminally led the group to that field of poppies so they will all pass out and he can have his way with all them – even Toto making cowardly lion was responsible for the first know “roofie” case – in the form of poppies. Apparently the movie was meant to be a family friendly so they didn’t show everything that happened in that field of sin and poppies. We’re not stupid. We know what was going down.

 And what about those damn munchkins? They were the most evil of all. If I had a bunch of helium filled sounding little people telling me to follow anything I would kick the shit out of the bunch of them and run the opposite way. Nothing good can happen from a gang of midgets with cocaine laced lollipops. What colors do the Lollipop Guild gang represent anyway? Probably green – the shade I am typing with. Seems appropriate since I’m sure these munchkins derived from the leprechauns. Damn Wizard of Oz. Frank L. Baum had to have been fucked up to even dream, much less write such a story such as this. The average Joe does not just suddenly dream up flying monkeys and big ass talking trees that throw apples. The only thing that really made sense in that movie was the horse that changed colors. I only say it made sense because I’m pretty sure that it inspired My Little Pony which I adored when I was younger.

 Dorothy Gale had to have been screwed up for the rest of her life when she woke up from that dream. Not only was she violated by 3 freaks in a field of poppies, she was stalked by a gaggle of munchkins, attacked by flying monkeys, and forced to wear red shoes with glitter on them that didn’t even match her dress. That’s where the real trouble began.  It’s always the shoes.

So begins another NCAA tourney on this St. Patrick’s Day. Erin go braugh and  GO UNIVERSITY OF FUCK IT – this is your year!

Until next time – hey Jayhawks….you’re not in Kansas anymore.

(There were no little people harmed in the writing of this blog)

follow me on twitter: @soonerleesa

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  1. Chris says:

    I miss Ball State being in the tournament, just so I can say, Ball State

    great blog Leesa!!

  2. aj says:

    I love the woman you are!!!! Don’t change for anyone, they need to get down or move around. You should hear my theory on Willie Wonka, coked up child murder LOL!!!!!

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